Only if things were the same…

First things first. The following post is not about my ex-girlfriend.

I think it is finally time to address this certain issue. Until now, I do not know what went wrong. I have tried asking you many times but the answer always was nothing. And I decided to give up. However certain things in the recent weeks have actually reminded me of the relationship we had. I have actually always enjoyed it. I always wanted things to remain that way. Unfortunately, it was not meant to be. With the things happening around me, I am starting to miss you. The list of things that I was forbidden from doing. I still remember the things I was not suppose to do. The list of things that I had to do everyday. I remember these things clearly. I should always tell you when I am down. I should always say goodnight to you before I sleep. I should always sleep by a certain time. I had all the rules written on a piece of paper and the paper was in my wallet. I want someone to implement such things on me again. Even if there was someone else, it won’t be like you.

Images of things we used to do flash in my mind over and over again. I don’t about you but I was always happy around you, having lots of fun and enjoying myself. You were the person to whom I told that sad news first. You cried upon hearing it even when I was strong. The first movie that we watched together? Remember that? I still do remember. Remember the other movie we watched during the holidays? I still do. Do you remember what you do whenever we are studying? How about the breakfast? How about the morning to evenings of studying? How about the messages I use to send you whenever I was down. I still can remember by heart one of the messages you send me.

If things were still the same, I would have already went to bed by now. I would not have ate dinner after midnight. I would not even be writing this post. Maybe this blog would not even exist. What a difference you would have made in my life. I know that according to the cycle, you are suppose to leave but I wish you never did.

From what I know, I never did anything wrong to make you leave. From what I hear, it was all fake. It was all for something in return. I have yet to fully accept that because deep down I still believe that it was not all fake. But now that all has happened, what do I say? What do I do? I know you do not read my blog but I want you to know that I miss you and the relationship we had.

Only if things were the same…

~ by ramanantan on September 2, 2009.